orchestral maneuvers in the dark

orchestral maneuvers in the dark

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 20 2007, 05:16 PM

I tried, oh I tried to get home before it was dark.

it's virtually impossible with my hour and a half commute and the nights rapidly closing in.

I was determined that I would move the boat down a bit, to the bottom of the lock. Last weekend, running out of time I hurriedly moored up opposite a weir. There the boat has stayed despite me not enjoying being opposite a weir entrance. It has a good barrier but I just don't like it. especially since my mooring pins don't hold so good no matter where I try to drive them in.

I set about moving the boat as dusk was rapidly falling.

Engine on, dog hot on my heals as I jogged down to the lock to get it turned around.
one of the paddles is out of action so it's slow filler. I trotted back to the boat and started pulling the pins. The wind was blowing quite hard so I chose not to push the boat too far from the edge and try to crawl on tick-over. Bow hauling is tricky as there are quite a few trees in the way.
It was getting quite dark now and as the boat ticked over it also started to lean over and I heard the familiar sound of sandy mud cleaning the weed off the bottom by the swim. The wind is starting to take the front end round and is threatening to point me in the direction of the weir while the back end was stuck fast on the bottom. Bugger 'o bugger 'o.

Reverse... nothing happens. reverse a bit more... nothing happens. reverse with a a bloody good push off the bank with the boat hook and she slowly starts to reverse off the bottom. By now its pretty much lights out from Mr sunshine and the water is looking blacker than the duke of hells waist coat. It's at this time I find the water a little bit intimidating. I've never liked open water in the dark. It gives me the heeby jeebies.

So I put my stereo on quite loud and started to sing along with "smooth" fm. Nothing like a bit of singing to calm my nerves and scare any possible water-borne attackers off.

I pulled up at the first set of bollards and decided to "sod this for a game of solo soldiers" and do the lock first thing in the morning. At which point a bright light came slowly into view. Another boating family were cruising in the dark arriving just in time as the lock was ready.

I've now pulled a muscle in my side and hurt my back opening and closing the heavy lock gates. Why are the locks so hard to use on the River Lee?

there's.... something on the roof

there's.... something on the roof

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 18 2007, 08:39 PM

It's a bit parky out today. I know it's getting cold when, as a motorbiker I decide that 75mph is quite fast enough, compared with the usual 110-130 I like to cruise at. (on private roads)

So I wrapped up warm, thin layers and lot of them for a track day at Brands Hatch motor racing circuit in Kent. It's only 45 miles down the road so it's easy to get to via the motorway. I arrived like a choc-ice. I looked nicely wrapped from the outside but inside I was frozen. And that's the way I've stayed all day. How is it possible to sweat through putting some effort in to riding the bike on the track but be cold at the same time?

I arrived back early at the boat and took Mr B for a walk up to the next lock, I don't often do that walking thing but I thought maybe a brisk walk might warm me up after an equally freezing ride home. No. still fuggin cold. My finger nails hurt from being hot-cold-hot-cold so many times today.

There was no choice, I had to light the fire. I am officially nesh. I've lived in the south for nigh on eight years now and I can't get past September before I'm putting the heating on.
However before lighting the fire I've had to find a new home for the 30 odd reels of Super8mm cine film. What I omitted to think about was moving the projector far enough away from the heat and it took me a good 20 minutes before I noticed a distinct smell of hot cardboard box... tit

I'm all toasty and warm inside now, ( the projector is now sitting in the hallway and I must remember to step over it later) although I felt instantly tired as soon as I got that warm glow heating up my face cheeks. Is that the fact it's been a hard day on track or could it be carbon monoxide poisoning from a fire that's not been lit in months? hmmm, well I don't have a headache and otherwise I feel fine. So I'm going to hazard a guess that I'm just knackered.

Then, there was a noise. On the roof... sounds like an animal. could be a fox, a squirrel, a cat, a mentallist from the local secret asylum/drugs testing laboratory.... For a moment I thought, "shit, I'm not sure I enjoy being on my own so much", thinking what a whimp I was the other night with the annoying overly close moored boat I decided to be a man not a mouse....
Picked up the torch and ran out army style, if you run at them screaming that's usually enough of a shock to stop them in their tracks for a moment giving you the tactical advantage of getting in there first or running away. Exiting my boat to the sound of "DIE you evil spawn of satan"
was clearly enough to make whatever it was on the roof turn invisible with shock (or hide under the dinghy). It's probably still up there scared to come out in case I bludgeon it to death with a dynamo torch... yes, that's right I forgot to take a proper weapon.

All mouth, still no trousers.

Entry solo cruising

solo cruising

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 17 2007, 12:51 PM

I finally decided to move the boat, and as mr grumpy is busy un-grumping himself on holiday with a friend, this left the job to me and a friend who promised she would come and give me a hand. After hearing nothing from my friend and the time already being 10am and armed with the knowledge she was wining and dining and you know whatting the night before I decided it could easily be afternoon before she surfaced, I figured I may as well just head off solo and see how I went once I got to the first lock.

So I set off and arrived at my first lock just as two boats were leaving and another boat was wanting to come down. ha ha, perfect timing, I was going up, so the people waiting to come down ushered me in, I shimmied up the lock ladder with windlass in hand to be told, you may as well wait on your boat. Brilliant! So, Im in, the paddles are wanged open full, ordinarily I would have been a bit worried about this but on the river lee the locks are as calm as a Hindu cow and I ascend the lock in record time with zero bobbing or rocking or rolling. As I motioned to help with the gates they waved me on and wished me on my way. How was that for a good start to the day!

after that the following locks were a bloody doddle and I filled up with water, emptied at the elsan point a little further up and then motored like speedy Gonzales, complete with screeching sounds as I went around some bends, to get back down to Cartagena lock where I was meeting my friend, who came complete with another friend I havent seen in yonks.

All in all, despite the windy conditions, single handing isnt so bad.
the best part of the day for me was successfully lassoing a bollard, 1st go, on the opposite side of a lock to pull the boat across to the water point.
See, the simplest things get me excited these days!

Id also like to say thanks to Max, a nice friendly chap I met up at the junction for the stort when I was trying to turn the boat around from the bank and he came over and helped me out. The current and the wind were going in opposite directions and two people made the job so much easier than one.

Entry of all the gin joints in all the towns...

honey ryder

of all the gin joints in all the towns...

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 15 2007, 11:57 PM

Picture the scene, ive been out foraging all day, hunting and gathering, buying new slippers and getting the sunday snap in.

It took a little longer than planned as I got carried away reading the dangerous book for boys in sainsburys so I arrived back in the dark. I wandered down to my boat on the dark towpath and I squinted at the boat to try and make out what it was I couldn't quite fathom... my boat looked considerably longer than normal.
Now, just for extra graphic detail my boat is currently moored on some bollards, behind me there are several of them and between me and the next boat there is at least 2 unused leaving quite a nice gap for another boat to arrive should someone really want to use a bollard...
in front of my boat is miles of empty space, the bank is perfectly good for the next mile or so for mooring up to, admittedly with pins but what dya expect this is a river not the ritz.

So, back to squinting. When I got down to the boat I realised that the extension on the front was in fact a new neighbour, a very friendly close neighbour, So close in fact that his boat was overlapping mine in order to share a bollard. Any closer and he would have needed a condom as my bedroom is only a few feet away.

not wanting to hear the grind of boat on boat all night I had to move my boat back to a different set of bollards. All the while I was cursing, calling the new neighbour all manner of expletives under my breath. I wanted to let him know I was pissed off, that I consider it quite rude to not only moor close but so close that the boats are touching, especially when theres miles of unused bank side around us, we aren't in London here so there's no need.

So as I stood there muttering, the jolly chap came out and said " hi, how ya doing" and in my head I wanted to say " what the f***ing hell are you playing at you stupid c**t, your shed of a c**king ditch crawler is hitting mine when theres miles after f**king miles of empty river. are you mental or something, go and tie up to some other bollards w**ker"

but instead all I could manage was " yeh"

I'm all mouth and no trousers... oh the shame of it

life doesn't get better than this?

life doesn't get better than this?

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 13 2007, 01:49 PM

A change is as good as a rest, or something like that.
I've been trying to answer all my own questions of how I'd like my life to be, where I want to live, how I want to live, love and be loved. It's quite a hard thing to do, as each time you think you've answered question another two pop up.

It's like my to do list, it never gets shorter, it just changes with the times.

I've been reading Bones blog with interest recently as she's been on her holidays and visiting lots of other boaters, it seems it's been a turbulent time for her too, Im not sure why exactly because she speaks in riddles, Im currently trying to find a translator book on "how to understand for the hard of understanding".

which brings me to my first question, Am I a bit mentally retarded or do I just not connect with regular society in the normal way?
There is a fine line between supreme intelligence and madness and Im not sure which side of the line Im treading half the time.

my eccentricity seems to be welcomed though by my friends and relatives, or should that be tolerated?

anyhoo, my blissful ignorance of all that happens around me makes me a very happy untroubled person generally.

I've had a very splendid time recently generally not doing much but doing something at the same time,
I went cruising in the rain with the dog on the roof,



then I went to a beer festival at earls court, and after several beers from UK, Europe and er, other places I decided I quite like beer.



then I went to nottinghill carnival, and decided I want to learn how to play samba drums, I get goose bumps every time I hear and see these people drumming live.


then It was proms in the park, one of my best friends thought it would be a great idea to dress up a bit, so we beavered away at the sewing machines for an afternoon and et voila, a rather bright outfit and lots of media attention. the original idea to make tutu's turned more into poofy skirts... great for dancing in though.



while we were at the proms thing, we saw tony hadley from spandau ballet, he's put a lot of weight on in the past few years... easy livin'.



and then I went off on a work trip to Italy to ride a motorbike around the Dolomites and visit a clothing factory. Which was nice.




this weekend I think I shall move the boat to pastures green... and possibly nip down to the southampton boat show to dream about what boat im going to live on next. ideally with a mast and sails. ( and bloody great keel too)

Entry putting flesh on the bones

putting flesh on the bones

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 7 2007, 01:47 PM

As some of you may have been reading Bones blog http://mortimerbones.blogspot.com/
you might have read about Bones having hacked up a dead heron and is currently letting it decompose in a bucket so she can do something with the bones.. yeah, bones, geddit...

anyway, I have my own share of birds as part of my day job and I thought I would share an example of what I was doing this morning. I was basically adding flesh to some bones. Oh and de-veining too.
I have ommitted a "couple" of things to avoid any offence to those squeemish types

Before


After

Friday, I make that Tutu o'clock

Friday, I make that Tutu o'clock

Email this entry | Print this entry Sep 7 2007, 01:39 PM

So it's friday, it's september 7th and I'm still moored up at Cheshunt. Getting a bit bored of the scenery but the neighbours are nice.

As unexpected events unfold we start with this weekend with a trip into London for proms in the park. A friend toted the idea while we were on the train back from the Nottinghill carnival a couple of weeks ago. Then came the suggestion of dressing up in union jack outfits.
Now, I and my friends do have a history of enjoying dressing up. It's not a kinky thing honest.

new year party, uv reactive outfits for a club in Derby




clubbing again, this time in London


a work party


new years party, randy wobbly old ladies ( im the one on the left)


new years party, fallen angels ( im on the right)


work, this is me at my day job


So tu tus are being made currently for the party tomorrow. ( as well as a kipper tie)
27 meters of red white and blue netting each should make for some rather outstanding results and a big swag of union jack material should do the trick

After the party Im off to the north to drop off my dog so I can go on a little trip to Italy on Monday. The plan is to check out some new clothing, a 2008 range of motorcycling apparel, eat ata swanky restaurant and ride a Ducati up some hills somewhere. it should be jolly good fun.

Also, STOP PRESS... the most exciting news of the day, my new (second hand, thank Ebay) Makita finishing sander has arrived. Let the dinghy and kitchen renovation commence. after I get back from Italy of course.